...if you cross my path today.
I'm cranky and pissed off...and need to vent. Please forgive me in advance for being a royal biotch. K? Ok. Because here's the list:
1. SUPER naughty 3year old.
2. 1 year old (fresh from last night's forehead gash from a wooden step corner) hellbent on injuring himself...came within inches of jumping in fish pond at Breton Village this morning.
3. Y.I. (female trouble--if you're a chick, you can figure that one out).
4. Dad reparks my car last night (after backing his own car up to pick up trailer) and decides to crack the windows so my car can "breathe"......we had a massive thunderstorm last night.
5. Storytime at Pooh's Corner was minus Ms. Margaret today...and Ms. Wanda (that's actually her name) just didn't cut the mustard. Therefore, bedlam ensued...
6. I have a headache.
7. Jonathan decides to throw food all over kitchen (this isn't new), and while I'm on the floor picking it up...he dumps his milk on my head.
8. Both boys laugh...and when I say "Jonny!" (in a stern, but NON-angry voice) "Mommy doesn't like that", Benjamin starts to yell at me for yelling at Jonny.
9. As I'm changing the world's poopiest diaper (seriously, he could win an award for this one) on Jonathan, Benjamin lets himself out the front door to chase garbage man truck. I look up to yell out "Wait for Mommy!" and Jonathan puts both hands in said award-winning mess.
10. As I'm putting J down for a nap, I come down the stairs to find Benjamin...front door open..standing on the small rug at the bottom of the steps, practicing his golf swing and launching plastic golf balls into the front yard.
11. Did I mention the Y.I.?
12. Jonathan smells like home fragrance spray. This would be due to his climbing on the sofa, standing on the sofa armrest, and leaning over to grab bottle of lovely scent. When I race in to rescue him from the precarious position he's in, praying to God he doesn't lose footing or grip on mantle...he grabs bottle so fast it's cap whacks on the mantle, breaking spray nozzle off and leaking all over his forearm. When I grab him, he grips both hands kung-fu style onto the mantle and actually kicks me away from him.
And hangs...seriously...hangs from mantle.
13. When I put him down for nap he snuggles against me with his blanket and "B" and says "Mommeee...wuv Mommeee..." (this somewhat redeems him, so I had to add it here).
14. But I still have a Y.I. And it's annoying the bajeezus out of me...like everything else today. If I didn't know better, I'd think I was pregnant for all of the bitchiness.
But unfortunately I'm not.
I'm just a bitch.
F**k.
9 comments:
uggh...but if it helps--you made me giggle...two especially funny parts...the name Ms. Wanda and the image of the dumping of the milk...I know sooo not funny but mixed in with the rest of your day when I got to that part I laughed out loud...the really not funny part...your y.i....here's to nap time and a better afternoon/evening!
Thanks Ann! I actually just got done editing/adding more to the list.
But your comment gives me hope...and I am, oddly enough, glad it's all making SOMEone laugh today!
wow...just read the rest of your list...that Jonny has some serious climbing/hanging skilz...I am too am editing my well wishes...here's to a LONG nap time, a better afternoon and a round (or two) of cocktails for the evening!!!
okay...so I was trying to be cool with my skilz...then realized maybe that is not how you spell skilz?? Also--I had an extra am "I am too am" wtf...oh well...
:-)
Aww, Ann...it's all gooood...my skillz (sp?) are pretty off track today, anyway.
Love your commentary, as always!
And yes, the milk on the head was actually pretty funny.:)
Poor Meg! Like Ann though, I had a LOL (don't you hate that acronysm?) moment when I got to the milk...and then again when I got to the poop. When I got to the poop I also thought, "Holy shit, this is all in one day? And it's only 1:30?" Seriously, I looked at my watch.
Now go pour yourself a cold one, sister - unlike Ann, I wouldn't wait until this evening for a round...or seven...of cocktails after the morning you've had. But hey, that's just me. :)
p.s. Sorry to hear about the Y.I. - that effing blows. Man, Saturday's Date Night must have been reeeeeeaalllly good... :) I know, I'm bad.
O.M.G. Meg! Poor you! Just got your VM so had to head over here... Ugh. Hoping things clear up - on all ends! ;) Gonna ring you back in a few... Major MWAHS for ya girl! Dawn
Haha...you are so right Dina! About the need for cocktails immediately...and the fact that it was a good date night!:)
Good thing for Brian, because it looks like it will be a few days before it's a safe fly zone down there...if ya know what I mean.
Off to Body Step--I think you're the one who told me about it, no???
Dude...you had me at Jonathon HANGING from the mantle. I'm dying right now...
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