City of Blinding Lights

Well, I'm back from Chicago...and what a trip.
No pics to download for now, as I seem to have left my camera at Denise's. But honestly, the pictures I took wouldn't even do the 36 hour excursion any true justice. It was quite a whirlwind of fun, debauchery (of course), bonding, hilaroius moments, finished off with a truly restorative coffee/lunch with my bestest, most lovely friend in the world, Gaby.
So much of what I was thinking about on my drive home last night was introspective and somewhat melancholy. But also really good. It's hard not to be reflective when you find yourself submerged back in a scene--especially with your closest friend--that so defined who you were for so long, yet doesn't speak to the person you are much at all anymore.
Probably not making sense.
At any rate...it was fun being back in the city.

Driving there was part of the thrill, honestly. Alone in the car with my coffee and Saturday NPR shows. And then, of course, being able to listen to XRT once I got close to Chicago.
The bachelorette party was as fun as I imagined it would be...and more. And best of all, Denise truly seemed to be having the time of her life.
Mission accomplished.
I couldn't have asked for it to have turned out better...her friends were all friendly and fun, the place looked amazing once all the decorations, favors, games and prizes were set out...seriously, I should do this for a living. I'm just saying.
Anyway, we had a blast and were laughing about many aspects of the evening the next morning.
Can't believe the wedding's in less than two weeks...
Just overall feeling so much more affection for and closeness with my SIL through this whole process, and for that I am beyond grateful.

Sunday I had the best lunch I've had in years...and not for the food, but rather the company. My best friend Gaby and I went to a cute little neighborhood restaurant in Ravenswood and caught up over lunch, coffee, more coffee...and more conversation. Whenever we get together, the topics range from the intensely personal, to the political, to the philosophical...sometimes even spiritual...and then basically just back to the personal stuff. I've never had small talk with Gaby, and likely never will.
For this, I love her...but even more, I adore her for being such an incredible person and friend. She knows me better than anyone I can think of...and at the risk of sounding scandalous, I dare say she knows me--in some ways--better than my own husband.
I suppose that's just a female thing.
With Gaby there is no pretense...no competition...no bullshit, either. She's not afraid to tell me what she thinks about my own decisions or thoughts...and yet never holds back, either, from expressing admiration or praise.
I guess I just find this so uncommon in people in general. Unabashedness and a sense of genuine appreciation for others. And holy cow, I don't know anyone stronger than she.

Anyway, I guess this is just my tribute to Gaby post.
Love the bitch.
And the best part is, she knows it.
It would be sad if this was the only place I expressed those thoughts...the most beautiful part of our friendship is how acutely aware we both are of how precious and rare it is.

I was ridiculously tired leaving the city late yesterday afternoon...despite the coffee and good conversation. Food coma, hangover from the night before...and general fatigue from finally having this bachelorette party behind me...and it was starting to rain.
So I had to really jam out to some CDs on the way home to keep my shit in check.

On the way into the city the day before, it had been sunny, blue skies...and I was full of energy and optimism. Driving north on Western I had been feeling such intense feelings of nostalgia and sentimentality...flooded like CRAZY with memories of my life there, most specifically with Brian. All the parts of my life that seemed a bit askew and without true direction until I met him. I thought about how much we loved our old apartment on Walton, our neighborhood...coffee and paninis at Letizia's on Sundays. The Tribune..."Check, Please" on PBS Sunday nights...and all of our little traditions.
And I also thought about how isolating Chicago was for me for so long...how much of a mixture of lonliness and total confidence I felt at the same time. How much I wanted to make it work...and how well it did for a period of time in my life.
How many months, years even, that I rode public transportation and nothing else.
Now that's something all on its own.
How I lived in a third floor walkup in a neighborhood that bordered the Puerto Rican gang territory...and sometimes even forgot to lock my back door to the stairwell.
But today, when Brian travels, I check the locks three times...in my idyllic EGR neighborhood.

I got to thinking about how we change from our twenties to our thirties.
How I've become, in many ways, less brave and feel distinctly less invincible.
How less-exciting my life is on the outside...but how unbelievably rich it is in contrast.

I'm much more cautious and discerning about my environment, my surroudings, etc...but my heart has gotten so much stronger...and I swear I've never been more confident about where I am, who I'm sharing my life with...and the direction in which my life is taking me.

So as I drove in the express lanes on the skyway out of downtown yesterday, I realized that I was far more anxious to get home in that moment than I had been "sad" the day before driving into old memories and places of nostalgia.

Amazing how it took living there and then moving away from it all to realize how strong I really am...and happy.
And my relationships...with Denise, with my family...Brian's family...and of course, with Gaby...have never felt better.

Anyway.

I remember being downtown in Grant Park in the summertime one night, with a friend of my brother Jon's that I'd known when I was in Seattle...and we were watching the fireworks to the live XRT show that they broadcast each Saturday night in the summer.
He had asked me how I was liking the city, as it had been about 6 months since I'd moved...and I just laid back in the grass, looked up at the skyline...and smiled. Almost cried, even, out of happiness. Cliche as hell, but if you know me at all--you're not surprised.
Anyway, my response was...
"I love this city...always have. Not sure how long I'll be here...but I know right now I'm having the most incredible love affair with it..."

Driving off of the Dan Ryan onto the skyway, one of my favorite songs from my ipod came on the stereo..."City of Blinding Lights". I turned it waaay up.
Somehow it felt perfect.

I really love that song.

A Rare Moment

It's Friday, about 5 pm...and I'm looking out the window at the snow coming down and piling up outside the window. And I'm enjoying a late afternoon mug of coffee...been doing that more often lately. Kind of enjoy it.
Anyway, Jonathan's playing happily at the train table, and Benjamin's STILL napping.

One of my favorite songs, "Kathy's Song" by Simon and Garfunkel is on my pandora station...and it just feels so peaceful at the moment.
Not sure why I felt like blogging about it.
So many other things I could write about...

I guess it's just that late Friday afternoon has always been a favorite time of mine. In college, it was the end of a long week of classes, while living in Chicago and working, it was the end of a LONG week of commuting and teaching...and ever since Brian and I have been together, it's been our favorite time...anticipating whatever we're going to do in the evening. And since kids have been in the picture, that's often included such exciting pilgrimages as the ones we make to Chili's for dinner, Meijer or Costco for groceries...or just a walk to Jersey Junction.
But it's still the same.
A peaceful sense of relief...and calm.

Anyway, Brian's very close to being home...but I'm going to be even more peaceful when he's here. The roads are particularly bad this afternoon, and he's en route from Chicago, where he and my dad joined my brother for the NCAA madness at BW3. Anyway, Brian worked today at the Chicago office and is now almost home.
I'm anxious to see him.
It's so true what they say about absence...hard to imagine it being true with your spouse, but wow...every time he travels, I get SO excited to see him when he gets home.

Looking forward to Sarah and Karen's bday party at Bistro tonight...so once Brian gets home, and I smother him with my wifely kisses and hugs...I gotta bust it into the shower and get ready for Allie to get here.
Weather be damned, it's time for a cosmo.:)

Happiness is...

* your two boys making eachother laugh while jumping on the bed

* a visit to the Easter bunny

* lunch at Olga's and your 3yr old announcing "this is so verry, verry, wonderfully fun!"

* a post-nap walk around the block...YAY warmer (relatively speaking, of course) weather!

* your 18mos old eating an entire bowl of mac and cheese (gluten free, yum!) with his own fork!

* mommy's glass of wine while making dinner (don't worry about it...)

* texting your husband a picture of your little one feeding himself...and your hubby texting back "that's the best thing I've seen all day!"

* both boys laughing and smiling at you with eyes full of shiny happiness while you sing "itsy bitsy spider"....whilst mac and cheese cooks on stove

* tater tots

"I Love Not to Camp"

Just saw a magnet at Schuler Books yesterday with one of those women from the fifties...hair all perfect, smiling like a Stepford Wife...and this quote next to her.
Seriously? I peed my pants.
Couldn't describe me more...I mean, I grew up camping ALL the time, and do have a certain appreciation for it. But if I'm being perfectly honest, I'd rather shack up at the local Motel 6.

Brian and I were driving home from Springfield last weekend, however, and talking about possibly camping with the boys this summer. I just smiled and acted like I thought it would be tons of fun...and in the end, I suppose I'll "take one for the team" on more than one occasion in this respect. We have kids...boys, especially...who would love to camp.
So pack me a sixer and I'll be just fine.

Benjamin's water coloring right now...Jonny's stacking blocks and talking to himself...and both of these activities are on borrowed time.

Had a great weekend in Springfield...wedding prep is all but finished, and I'm SUPER excited about the bachelorette party. I keep coming up with different ideas every day...and it's morphing into quite the extravaganza. I'd love to expound upon the dirty details...but certain eyes might be reading this.
So enough said for now.:)

Boys are pretty healthy, but knock on wood. It's been a long winter for everyone.
Jonathan's latest cuteness: when B and I sing the ABCs, Jonny will, at the end, shout out "me!!! YAY!!!" and clap when we get to the "won't you sing with me" part.
Benjamin's latest cuteness: impromptu "I love yous" and talking to his Lightning McQueen pillow when he's going to sleep at night.
He's doing SO well with his big boy bed...and still, NO BINKY.
Life is good...so many changes for little B in the past few weeks, and he's taking them in relative stride. Our trip to Springfield kinda jacked up his sleep, but he's back on track and acting MUCH happier as a result.

Yoga at From the Heart (local studio) tonight...it will be my second session, and I'm so loving it already. Such a better foundation of the principles and much more concentrated and intense. I can already see a difference in my practice just from the few minor adjustments I learned at the first session.
Plus, it's nice to be away from the gym atmostphere sometimes for that kind of activity.

That's about all I gotts for today.
Not too exciting, but I wanted to give my blog a little love.

Latest Fluff...

"Colder than a well digger's ass"

Holy shit, my dad makes me laugh.

My mom and I were waiting for him to meet us at the pickup door behind the furniture store last Saturday...I'd just purchased the twin bed set for Benjamin's new bed, and we were waiting for my dad to help tie it to the roof.
The anticipation of myself driving home with a twin mattress attached to the roof of my Explorer already had me peeing my drawers.
But then my dad pulls up next to me...puts his car in park, rolls down his window and says with a smile: "Colder than a well digger's ass, eh?"

I totally lost my shit.

So this last week has brought many changes in the life of Benjamin Richards...seems the transition to being 3 years old made him ready for some big-boy adjustments in his life. Sometime during the middle of last week, he gave up the binky. I can't say I used any magic strategy or story to help him along...cold turkey tends to be more my style, when all's said and done. I did, however, promise a matchbox car under his crib if he could make it through the night...and it worked. And not only that, he made the decision on his own. Especially when I failed to yet again replace his chewed up binky with a new one. And MUCH to my relief, he hasn't asked for more matchbox cars...I was kinda afraid the bribing might lead to that. But luckily, it didn't. He's just been telling everyone he sees that he "slept without a binky and got a CAR!".
But in the last few days, there's been zero mention of it at all...he just goes to bed without it, and that's that.
I'm beyond happy about it...was overdue.

So the bed really happened sooner than I'd imagined, but when we started talking about the bed frame we were going to get from my parents (a hand-me-down), he was all questions. "Where will it go? Will Ted sleep in it?"...etc. And I also went out and bought some super-cheesey-and-totally yuk-character sheets. Lightning McQueen....Mater...the whole gang. Hilarious. I actually laughed outloud when I dropped the set of sheets into my cart at Target.
But as soon as I washed them up at home...he started asking for them all the time. Wanted to watch his shows with them, all balled up in a bunch, under his arm (PLG).
So I enlisted the help of my parents this weekend, and we got the bed put together...complete with new twin mattress set.
And again, cold turkey: no "here's your crib...over there's your bed...you pick which one you want tonight."
That would never work with B...he'd pick the bed, then at the last minute bail and opt for the comforts of his barred-in palace. It was going to have to be all or nuttin.

And for the most part, it was a total success. When he came upstairs to see the bed yesterday afternoon, I had the sheets on it, the pillow propped up with Lightning McQueen smiling at him...and he went nuts. Totally loved it. Bent over and hugged himself and proclaimed "Oh my gosh...it's soo cute! This is so very, very nice and cute!"
PLG. Holy shit, the entire moment of discovery was PLG.

Going to bed was relatively easy...but when I started to leave the room he got whimpery, so I sat in the sofa chair (that has temporarily been parked by his bed in place of a rail) and sang "Country Roads"...that pretty much sealed the deal.
Plus, with the time change and NO NAP yesterday, it was pretty easy...

This morning he told Miss JoAnn at Bright Beginnings all about it..."I slept in a big boy bed, Miss JoAnn...it was so great...yeahhh...." and then his story kinda trailed off into some other random commentary.
Unfortunately, I was so wrapped up in his story and beaming with pride over how confident he was in telling his accomplishments...that I didn't notice, until it was too late, that Jonathan was mawling a 1yr old little girl like a tiger attacking a kitten. Poor little girl was all red-faced and hysterical when I pulled him off of her...he, on the other hand, was growling and swinging his arms toward her face.
Good times.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again....two very different kids.

So, it's a good Monday overall over here. Very sunny out, which I love. Or as Benjamin would say, "very wonderful and shiny outside". :)
Weekend was good, but pretty much filled up with youth group. Sunday's church services were led entirely by the youth group, which they do once a year. This year all nine seniors gave really meaningful mini-sermonettes on their lives, their faith, and mostly the impact youth group has had on them. And then at the end of the service, the same nine seniors sang the Benediction (a favorite of mine...had it at my wedding) and I completely lost it. Each of these seniors are amazing kids, and I've been lucky enough to really get to know almost all of them. But about 4 of them have become practically family. And what's more, they are extraoridary individuals...each in his/her own right. One of them called my cell last Thursday to announce where he had finally chosen to go to school next year, and how excited he was.
I saw his mom at the MAC later that day, and she said..."you know...you're the first person he called."
Amazing.
And of course Allie, our babysitter, is among this group...so needless to say, it's an emotional time watching these kids move on to the next major phase of life. When looking back, Brian and I both realized that these kids were freshman when he and I started with youth group...so it's a bit of a milestone for us, too.
Anyway...a weekend rich in celebration, melancholy, and obviously a great deal of reflection.

Sigh.

I'm off to put the boys down for naps and bust out the zamboni (sp?) for the lunchtime mess.

On Demand

I'm not really sure how much I love this feature of our cable tv.
Being able to have a kiddy show on just when you need it is truly wonderful...but having your child expect it is another thing. I feel like it's just yet another example of the McDonaldizing of our culture. Immediacy. No waiting. Gimme, gimme, gimme.
But...*yawn*...it's 9am, and therefore a bit early for social commentary.

We had a wonderful time with Benjamin's birthday last weekend, and I'll be sure to post all the fluff from that once I download the pics. Certain things, like that, have just fallen by the wayside this week with Brian gone. He's back from Phoenix, finally...so my sanity is restored.
Sort of.
Not really sure if that will truly happen anytime soon.
Anyway, Brian had a good trip and got lots of shmoozing and networking under his belt at the conference...so YAY Brian. Happy for him, honestly. But can I admit that I'm secretly most happy about the LLBean tote bag he brought home? So what if it has his company's logo on it...sister loves herself a tote.
This is me, in the kitchen when he got home at midnight: "Really? A golf outing? You chatted with who? Oh, that's great...and the weather? Yeah...I bet that felt nice...HOLY SHIT?! Is that a TOTE BAG?!? Eh, hem....you were saying? Yeah, sounds like a great trip."
He carried on about the worthwhile-ness of his trip whilst I envisioned all the wonderful places this new bag will go with me and the boys.

Seriously, I need to get out.

Well, gotta run.
Time for Miss Margarrrrret, and there's a fight breaking out at the train table.
So much for blog time....like I said, on demand.

Time to rock out.