The List

Ok, I'm grumpy this morning.
And I don't think the weather is helping...
Right now Jonathan is napping, I have a load of laundry going...and B is (**shhh!***) playing with his cars. So I'm going to vent.
About my toddler.
I'm not even going to preface this list with all of the things I love about him...and how delightful he can be when we're out and about. Because I wanna just get right to it.
Lately I feel like everything is a f***ing struggle with this kid, causing so much frustration on my part that I'm seriously ready to tear my hear out come naptime. Even as I type, I'm nervously waiting for the hell that will descend on the kitchen when he's done with his trains and wants to go outside, but can't...since J's sleeping, and it's wet outside.

So, here are the top earners of my stress lately:
1. As previously mentioned, the outside factor. This one is twofold: wants to go out alll the time, and when he can't, unleashes the "mad cry"....and when already outside, and needs to come in, the same tantrum ensues while trying to coerce him inside.
2. The step. It's not working.
3. Listening. Doesn't seem to know how to do it.
4. Brushing his teeth. Gets the toothbrush in there, but usually just sucks the toothpaste off the brush and then demands "more brush?", which is his way of asking for more yummy paste to slurp away at. And for the love...he WON'T let me get in there to show him how to brush properly...and no matter how many times we listen to the Raffi song about "Brushing your teeth...chicka, chicka..chickachicka..", he doesn't get it, and doesn't want to anytime soon. So, in the meantime, I am having nightmares about his first dentist visit...nightmares.
5. Green veggies. The child who used to devour anything I put in front of him has suddenly decided to go on green veggie strike. Jonathan is in heaven with my frozen green beans, all heated up with butter on them...so he keeps his mommy sane in that dept. But Benjamin just scoffs at them and asks for "gwillled cheeeezzze???". And no, nothing wrong with grilled cheese, but seriously...every fricking meal? The other staple he'll go for is mac 'n cheese (what kid doesn't?)...so the other night I tried mixing in some chicken breast and green beans...he managed to eat every single Kraft-manufactured noodle...and left every piece of lovingly-prepared roasted chicken and green beans on his plate.
***this is me, smirking***
6. Likes to take off his diaper and run around the house naked. While this is often hysterical and hard to get mad at...it's yet another sign that this kid might be ready for potty-training. And yet, whenever I try to work with him on it, he couldn't seem less interested.
Perhaps I'll put my mom and dad on this project while we're away this weekend...hmmmmm...
7. Every time I try to do the littlest thing away from him...you know...like my blog for FIVE MINUTES...he finds me and demands I put on a show of mommy-fabulousness-playtime for him. He's at my ankles as I type, which is what brought me to this last, but oh-so-necessary-point.

Off I go.

Getting ready!

Our buddies, Mark and Dina.

Brian and I are on our way to DC this weekend for yet another installment in the ongoing story of fun that is our friendship with these folks.

These pictures were taken during our trip to NYC for my 30th...and just thought I'd resurrect them for this week.

Getting so excited to go--and of course, there's the funny-ness in my tummy about leaving my boys. We've left Benjamin before for a long weekend (see pictures above! LOL), but haven't done so with Jonathan yet. However, I know that once we're on the plane...it will all be worth it. Brian and I will each order an adult beverage...he'll read the paper (which he loves, but only seems to find time for while on planes), and I'll catch up on an US Weekly, People, or let's face it---even an in-flight magazine. Anything that requires I not have a child pulling at my leg!

So yes, we'll set off on a weekend of just Meg and Brian time.

Even as I type that I start getting misty!

We need it.

This last year has been quite the busy one, and we're long overdue for some "couple time". We'll be spending time with our favorite friends, including a visit with my super-duper-good buddy Dawn, who also lives in DC.

Honestly? I think just getting through an airport without children is going to be like a trip to Fastasy Island...

Anyway, just wanted to pop on here with some excitement and anticipation for our trip...if you're reading, friends...here we come!:)

Teletubbies?

My boys love them. Add that to the ever-growing list of things I never imagined my children would enjoy...or much less, something that I'd LET them enjoy.
Whatever. They're both quiet right now as I clean up the post-lunch mess in the kitchen.

This honestly must be what circus janitors feel like after everyone leaves the show.

Anyway, today is a typical Monday in many ways...just trying to get back to normalcy after a busy weekend. We had Bright Beginnings over at Woodcliff this morning, which was great. Benjamin just loves that program, and really does well with it. He's even begun to get interested in the other activities (other than cars!), and I just know that Ms. Margaret's class has helped with that. Jonathan went down for a nap just as we were leaving the house this morning, so luckily he got to stay home while Daddy worked. He was still asleep when we returned, but woke up moments after...and so the three of us went for a walk. This was not the world's best idea, however, because Benjamin was more worn out from BB than I had realized, and halfway up Plymouth Ave decided he wanted me to carry him. I'd had Jonathan in the umbrella stroller while B was pushing his own baby stroller...which was not a great idea for a long walk. Anyway, after carrying B on my hip down San Lucia, part of Argentina, and the entire stretch of Santa Cruz....all the while pushing a hot, cranky and hungry Jonathan in the Maclaren...I was ready for naptime!
All things being equal, though...this was a very pleasant morning. And we ran into two of our high school (youth group) buddies, on break for lunch, so Benjamin thought this meant it was time to go to church. Kate (one of our fave kids) drove by in her car, slowing down to wave, and Benjamin yells out "Church??!!! Kidddsss???!!" Actually, the way he pronounces "kids" is "key-aaaddzzz".
PLG.:)

Speaking of the key-aaadddzzzz from East, Friday night was quite the fun time. We started out at a tailgate up on Orchard at the Cavanaugh's house. The neighborhood gang (and kids) were all there, so it made for a really fun way to gear up for the game. The boys had a blast...and Dave and Kathy (they got into town right before we left) enjoyed meeting our friends. It actually went a lot better than I'd imagined.
So...back to the key-aaadddzzz.
After stuffing ourselves with lots of yummy food and drinks (thanks again for the 'ritas, Sarah!), we walked down the block to the high school field. On the way there I decide that the irony is ridiculous...I'm walking toward the EGR football field with a pretty healthy buzz...and it's the exact same way I went to my last EGR football game. Kinda drunk.
In 1992.
Thanks.
I'm mature.

We're walking into the game with both boys and the in-laws...and we see one of our youth group kids.
In a toga.
Clearly drunk.

Just one of those moments that Brian and I have, as "youth leaders"...where we are faced with the reality of these kids' lives. We know what kinds of things they're probably doing on weekends, etc., but sometimes it's just kinda strange to witness it.
And yes...I partied like it was my job by the time I was a senior in high school...but it's still strange to see these kids doing the same thing!
Also strange to realize that, as Brian and I are face to face with this "youth"...we're both pretty buzzed ourselves from green margaritas.
So I spend the first five minutes at the game mumbling into Brian's shoulder about how awkward it all is...to which Brian says..."Naaahhh...no big deal. We're adults, we drink...and he/she is in high school...weren't you wasted at these games, too?"

Well, not wasted, Brian...but yeah. I saw his point.
Men are always so damn good at being objective, aren't they???

And yes, the game ended up being a blast. Benjamin had the time of his life! We saw lots of friends...kids from youth group, friends of ours, friends of my parents...people I used to babysit for...enough folks to make my in-laws think we lived in Walnut Grove.
Benjamin absolutely adored watching the game, spending most of the time suspended to the chain fence that surrounds the field, his Grandpa standing on one side of him, and his Daddy on the other...all three watching the game intently. His expression never changed the entire time. Yet another PLG moment.

Saturday we went to the apple orchard with the boys and Brian's folks...it was a hit. Played outside, had lunch inside, watched the horses...apple cider being made...etc. Such a great fall morning. And that evening we got Allie to come over so we could have dinner out with Dave and Kathy....and they treated us to sushi! It was a blast.

Sunday was a typical Sunday for us---during the school year, anyway. Church in the morning, a harried lunch and get down for naps routine after we get home, a few random chores done, then back we go to church for youth group. Feels pretty busy, all in all, but always seems to be a highlight to our weekend. Last night's youth group was particularly worthwhile...better, more meaningful topics being discussed...and the slideshow Brian and I put together from last summer's trip was shown at the beginning. Made us nostalgic for the trip...and even more convinced of how much the group means to us. Totally worth the head-ache each week of how to juggle doing it all with two little ones!

Mom and Dad come home from Seattle tonight, so I think I'll bring Benjamin with me to the airport to see "plane-zzzzs!!!":)

Jonathan's up, I think...time to skedaddle.

With all my heart...

Would you believe we've had a full weekend with lots of fun and activity, complete with a visit from the in-laws...and I haven't posted in my blog?

Shameful.

Anyway, wanted to jump on with a short little nugget this evening. Brian just came downstairs from putting Benjamin to bed, and he asks me "do you ever say 'with all my heart' to Benjamin??"...to which I answer, with eyes like quarters, "yes! every day, a million times...and always when I'm putting him down for a nap or to bed...I say 'I love you with all my heart, buddy'..."
Brian then tells me that as he was walking out of B's room tonight and shutting the door behind him, he quickly told Benjamin "love you, budd"...and B called out, "with all my heart, daddy!"

Uggh.
That's all for tonight! More tomorrow...

Did I actually just say that???

While attemtping to get Benjamin to finish his lunch today, I told him that there are starving children in third world countries...
Are we destined to repeat such cliches to our children?
I think I actually said the following to B, as well: "How would you like it if Jonathan hit you one day?"

Yeah...these things make a real impact.

This is how we will always welcome Fall...

...by celebrating J's birthday.:)

Meant to post more of these a few days ago, but time got the better of me. At any rate, here are some highlights from his birthday--our time at Kootsier's Nursery, as well as some cake madness with Nana and Papa.

As long as I can remember (until a year ago, anyway), the onset of fall has always meant that my birthday was fast approaching...my day. I've always loved my birthday...and, don't get me wrong, I always will. I was the one who threw myself my own birthday party while living in Chicago, at the mere possibility of going one year unrecognized (please...give this girl some kids already to shift the focus...I'm sayin).

But after my little Jonathan came on the scene...it's all different.

I still get excited about the usual things...changing colors of leaves, fall candle smells, pumpkins, cider, apple orchard trips...etc...but the only birthday I'll ever be super-duper-oh-so-excited about will be my little J's. My little smile factory.

God bless America he's cute.

If only every day were like this!

It started out with Brian being home...and able to help this morning. We'd expected he'd be sleeping after a midnight arrival from Boston, but his flight got messed up early yesterday morning...and...well, he ended up here in town all day yesterday.
Thus, able to assist the wife.
I had myself sufficiently psyched up for a day of solo action yesterday...so I kept my end of the deal and didn't bother him until after both kiddos had eaten dinner, had baths, and been tucked away. He was still working in the basement at that point...poor guy...he's been really swamped lately.
But anyway. I digress.
Today...today...so I got a reprieve from the mayhem this morning and only had to wake up at 7:30, as opposed to 6:30, with Jonathan. Had some coffee, played outside with B while J napped, and around 10am took Benjamin to his Mommy and Me class. Brian let us go without Jonathan, and as luck would have it...J only woke up just as we were getting home from class. We had lunch and played...blah...blah...did some puzzles, watched some Dan Zanes (holy crap...it's an obsession around here) and even wrestled for a bit before it was time for afternoon naps. Both boys went down and I managed to escape to the MAC during this short window of time...heaven.
Came home and got the house ready for the best part of our day: impromptu playgroup with cocktails. Some friends came over and we toasted the dreaded, hellish time of day for we stay-at-home-moms...the just after naps/just before dinner hour. One good buddy came with a cosmo mix, and another actually pushed her ever-lovin stroller down the street with a bottle of Absolut in the bottom basket. God love her. Anyway...it was as close to Sarah Jessica and gang as we could get today. Complete with goldfish crackers, strawberries, sippy cups and baby wipes.
But ahhh...what a way to cruise into the dinner hour.:)
Mommy actually danced while singing the Laptime song as she made dinner tonight...making Benjamin laugh hysterically....making mommy feel guilty that the reason he was laughing so hard was because he was basically laughing at his drunk mommy.
But anyway.

A good day, nonetheless.
Cheers.

Happy Birthday, Jonathan Christopher!!!

My dear, sweet boy...I couldn't love you more if I tried, but I know that tomorrow I'll find a way. I feel this way each day I spend with you, and have since the very moment you were born. You are one year old today, and I can't even begin to tell you how much this first year of your life has changed me, and the kind of mommy I am. But more importantly, I want you to know how wonderfully special you are...your smile, your laugh, your fearlessness and enthusiasm...and oh my goodness, Jonathan...the way you look at me.

You have, like your brother, a pureness of heart and goodness about you that is endearing and genuine, and will always be a part of who you are.

You have so much to look forward to in this life of yours, and your daddy, brother and I are just so incredibly lucky to be able to be a part of it.

I love you so much, Bubbas!

The second time around...for clothes and parachutes.

Jonathan is, much to my delight, working his way into many of Benjamin's winter/spring clothes from last year...never thought I'd be able to enjoy so many of B's old duds so much, with the two boys being born in such opposite seasons.
Anyway, it's been fun getting out the old stuff...somehow it looks so different, and yet familiar at the same time on my little J.

This morning was B's second day in Ms. Margaret's class out in Forest Hills. He's loving it, and I'm eating up every minute. I swear, this woman was sent to Earth with the sole purpose of teaching early childhood development "stuff"...she's practically useless in an adult conversation--no kidding.:)
And if you've ever been to Pooh's Corner at Breton Village, you know who she is...almost always wearing overalls (the short kind in the summer, lol) and fun socks. And she knows everything and anything you'd ever HOPE to know about children's books.
Thus, how we became acquainted in the first place.
We love ourselves some Pooh's Corner, and I've been known to pick her brain a few--oh--gazillion times.
Perhaps it's the teacher, still alive and well, in me that seems to provoke the kinds of conversations that really get Ms. Margaret going...at any rate, it's been fun getting to know her...and even more fun now being in her class. B just adores the daylights out of her. Today he was instructed to bring his favorite "friend" from home, and of course he brought Ted (teddy bear). When we walked into the room this morning, he practically bum-rushed her and asked her to shake Ted's hand.
Just another one of those great moments.
When it was time to hold the edges of the parachute and *send* the beachball up and down...Benjamin decided, on one of the *down* motions, to propel himself onto the parachute and reach for the ball. LOL.
Tell me you wouldn't have laughed...even as you tried to pull him off of the parachute.

I think one of the funniest things about this, to me, was that about a year ago I took him to a class at Gymboree (first and last time) and when the teacher (easily mistaken with an employee from the mall food court) yanked out the parachute, B wanted nothing to do with the insanity. I mean, NOTHING.
Yes, a year can make quite a difference...this I know. But after that day at Gymboree I was pretty sure he had a phobia of parachutes right on par with my own of sheep.
It's possible the 2nd time around with that one was a bit overdue.

Boys are napping, but I'm actually anxious for them to wake up so we can venture outside...it's one of those days I would put in my "top 3", weather-wise...
Until then, more laundry.

Random Thought

Do they make Pumpkin Spice frapuccinos?

I must investigate.

"So happy you're here today, today..."

"We're so happy you're here todayyy..."

Ahh, the sing-songy, happy words of Hap Palmer, one of our faves...we just got home from Laptime, and I would say that this is surely today's anthem.

Laptime was super crowded today, but I think that made it more fun for all...didn't phase Benjamin, that's for certain. And the only reason this is notable is because when we first began going to Laptime, he wouldn't leave the confines of my lap. Today he was dancing around, singing loudly, following the movements and hand gestures, and even pumping his hands in the air every now and then with an "o-kayyy!" or a "yayyy, Treeasshh!" (for Ms. Trish).:)
I had a ball watching him, and couldn't believe there were actually times when I had to bury my face in my hands, since I knew he was making a scene. Benjamin, of all children.
Anyway, it was a fun morning...and all of our fave friends were there! The Cavanaughs, the Doublesteins, our new friend Jessica and her little guy Christian, and our favorite neighbor, Annabelle, with her mommy, Meghan. It was a real party.
And at some point during our stay in the Lily Pad room with Ms. Trish, I heard Benjamin say "I so happy to be here, Miss Tree-asshh!".
Indeed he was. And so was I...what fun it was.

So much fun, in fact, we couldn't contain all of our excitement and felt the need to have a record-breaking meltdown right by the entrance to the children's section of the library. Hol-eee-crap. I was chatting with a friend, Jonathan workin away on his bottle in his stroller, when I glance over to see Benjamin helping himself to the book scanner...up on the stool, trying to "check out books" by himself. It would've been less of a threat to peacetime in the library, had there not been a line forming behind him.
And one very not-so-patient looking librarian behind the counter.

I promptly walked over (or should I say "strolled"--you know, the super-flattering look of a mom frantically pushing her stroller at lightening speed...so sophisticated) and attempted to whisk him away from the scanner. But he reached forward and grabbed onto the monitor screen and started to pitch a major fit. I pulled him away, legs flailing (his, not mine), and brought his special brand of toddler craziness over to the stacks.
Where he grew louder and more able to resemble a fish out of water, thrashing back and forth on dry land. It was then that I decided we weren't gonna get anywhere...we just had to leave. I tossed out a harried "see ya!" to the person standing nearby...whom I hoped was my friend I'd been talking to...and carried our act out to the elevator.

On the way home, I saw Benjamin staring at me in the rearview mirror.
He knew I was pissed.
Anyone driving in the opposite direction down Lake Drive probably knew...I was probably leaning over the steering wheel with a look of rage in my eyes.
Benjamin says, "Mommee ang-reee...Benjin and Mommee check out books togetherrr." Before we'd made our grand exit from the library, I had managed to squeeze in a "Benjamin apology" to the nice lady (these ladies are popping up everywhere we go...wtf?) behind the book check-out, who gave him a very nice smile...but missed no opportunity to tell him that he could "check out books with Mommy, not by himself". Whatever, she was right...and it reinforced what I'd been telling him. Or maybe he just thought she was a nice diversion from the elevator. Who knows. At any rate, her words stuck.
Sweet.

All in all, it was a great morning.
I enjoy the retelling of the frenzied moments in our day (obvvvvioussssllly), mainly because they are so melodramatic and hysterical in retrospect.
And also because the "telling" of them reminds me of how normal they are...and it also serves as a catharsis for me.

The thing is, the *good* moments of the day run through my mind at a rapid pace...alll...day...long. It's as though they are, moment by moment, in a continual state of "replay all" in my head. Like the Baby Einstein videos...when we put them on "repeat play" while driving on long trips.
Maybe I'm just afraid that writing about all of our pie-in-the-sky moments will make them less special to me...or worse, they will come across as being exaggerated (me? never.) and silly.

For example:
Benjamin popped out of my mom's car in front of the library this morning (she'd had some one-on-one time with him and met J and me there for Laptime)...ran up to me, strawberries all over his face, and hugged my leg, saying "Mommee! I so happy to seeee you!!!"

See?
Sounds completely ridiculous and more like something out of an episode of Little House than an actual excerpt from MY day.
But I promise you, it happened.
And I wanted to melt all over the sidewalk.

Anyway, just another morning in our family...and I'm wiped out, ready to take a nap while the boys take theirs...but I think I'll eat a chocolate WW ice cream bar and play on the computer instead.

Or I'll go put Jonathan down for the second time...maybe I'll do that...yeah...think I'm gonna have to do that.

Cloudy Monday

I'm loving the weather today...mainly for the cool "fall" chill in the air. Bring it! Both boys got to wear hoodies when we were out and about this morning...loved it.

Still battling a yucky cold, and have the kind of cramps that make me long for pregnancy...but only to a point.
Today's rendition of the Lunchtime Olympics got rid of that yearning in a hurry! Remind me not to give peaches to Jonny the same day I give him green beans...when the chunks are all mixed together in the highchair it makes me wanna hurl.
I swear, that highchair.
Constantly challenging my better domestic sensibilities.

Boys are both napping--hooray!

Exciting tale from this morning...
It happened right before lunch, so I'm going to chalk it up to pre-lunch-mania.
Benjamin decided to bite Jonathan's index finger...and hard. I was standing right there when it happened, and watched B's face work itself into this Incredible Hulk color of rage and redness...when he chomped down on J's poor little finger. Jonathan let out one big yelp, and then hit that famous 30second moment of silence before letting out a huge wail...so loud Brian came running upstairs from a call he'd been on. Benjamin immediately looked scared and freaked out, but I wasn't able to muster up very much sympathy for him at that point. I took advantage of Brian being in the room...handed J off to him and whisked Benjamin to "the step", where he immediately started bawling. I squatted down and said, in a super-fricking-I'mtotallyfuckingserious-voice, "we don't bite in this house...Benjamin?!?...we don't bite!"
It was all I could do not to say this in a scream...or even spank him. I was so pissed. Jonathan was still screaming and hysterical, and his finger had two ginormous pink dents in it.:(
I walked away and left B on the step and regained composure...went back to the step, knelt down again...and he looked at me with eyes big as quarters. I asked him if he knew why he was on the step, assuming he'd stare at my blankly...but he said, with total guilt in his voice, "I bite Jonny. Benjin bite Jonny. Saw-wee. Saw-wee, Mommy."
I wanted to die...it was so genuine and sweet.
But instead I just said, in an even tone, "That's right, Bud. You bit Jonny, and that's why he's sad. You need to say sorry to him. We do not bite."
I'm still, as I type, thinking that I probably loaded him down with too many things to think about...but he got the main idea, I think. I walked him into the tv rooom, where Brian had since bailed on Jonathan and left him playing with his Leappad. Benjamin crouched down and said "Saw-wee, Jonny." I smiled approvingly at him, which clearly put a little pep in his step, because he decided to follow his apology up with: "Jonny big five?!?!" (this is what he says when he wants to do a "high five" with someone) and put his hand out, as if to high-five Jonanthan...and instead, got J sqauare on the forehead and knocked him over.
Poor Jonathan. He went through a lot this morning!

Lunch was, relatively speaking, far less exciting.
But that's a good thing.

I'm off to clean my kitchen and do some more laundry...good times.

"It's my party..."

"...and I'll eat/drink whatever I want to!!!"

Brian took me out for Mexican food last night...margaritas and lots of fattening, yummy food! And my dad just stopped by the house with a pumpkin spice latte from Bucks...my absolute FAVE!!! Totally non-nonfat and loaded with whipcream, to boot. Love it.:)

I'll write more later...
Boys are great...Benjamin's fave babysitter, Allie, babysat last night and they had a ball...she is truly the best. Brian and I had a long chat with her when we got home...just adore and really treasure the relationship she has with B.
Jonny C's bday is coming up!!!

Off to make lunch for the boys. Benjamin just brought a bug that he killed/found for me to inspect...love my boys....love my boys.

M

A "not so Hallmark" moment...

My first clue should've been the time of day.

I'll start at the beginning, just for grins.
Having already packed our picnic lunch for the park...when the rain started and canceled our playdate, I decided to load up the boys anyway, and let fate be our guide. Well, so to speak. What I was really thinking, as I drove aimlessly out of the EGR confines, was "where the F can I take these guys and a picninc lunch in the rain?"

Using my brain, I chose the mother of all bad places to take your kids.
That's right, friends: the mall.

The beginning of our adventure at Woodland was actually quite fun. Benjamin walked excitedly around in his typical fashion--trots ahead and announces the things he sees, looks back to see how far back I am, doubles back....and then trots ahead once more. Jonathan leans forward in the stroller and "conducts" the imaginary orchestra in his head...all the while with his face scrunched up in that "I smell something yucky" expression, and his big 'ol gap between his two front teeth proudly displayed.
We parked ourselves at the food court and had a nice lunch...the other moms around us kinda gave me an "oh, brotha" face when they saw my paper plates, napkins, grapes, cheese, yogurt, sandwiches....as though I was one of those moms.
Bitches, please.
The only reason my kids aren't horking down Sabarro pizza like yours is because I was hellbent on eating the damn lunch I packed this morning.

But I digress.

So after lunch (ok, yes, I was a wee bit proud that they ate so healthily) we headed back toward the doors where we came in...I even managed to distract Benjamin enough so as to avoid a B-line for the "breakfast food". Some moms really love this feature in the mall.
Not me. All I see are kids with pink eye.

And this is when it happens...this is not, I warn you, an incredibly exciting tidbit I'm about to share...rather, it is yet another example of how moms like me feel when out and about during the day.
We walk by the Hallmark store, as we have many times in the past, and Benjamin says "Mommy,...Thomas???" They have a display of Thomas greeting cards that play music right in the front of the store, so we start to go in...and immediately I have my we're in a store now where civilized people are trying to shop peacefully armour on. I show Benjamin the card, he giggles, even squeels a little (but in an adorable way) and we successfully put the card back on the shelf.
It's at this moment that the clerk behind the counter (who will from now on be referred to as grumpy bitch) leans over the counter to ask Benjamin how old he is, what his name is, blah...blah...the usual. All goes well, and she is under the impression that he is just a very polite, adorable little guy.
Ha.
Problem is, anyone with half a brain knows that all children have their polite and adorable moments, but not one of them is this way all the time. Unfortunately, this lady turns out to be from Pluto. You know, where kids are perfect.

It doesn't take me long to realize what kind of danger we're in for.....when I see the display or Christmas ornaments along the middle aisle of the store. I believe they are called "Hallmark Keepsake Collection" ornaments.
Well, friends...they may not be worth keeping or collecting, but we came home with one.

Benjamin immediately starts getting hot under the collar when he sees these things. Why, you ask? I'll tell you why.
They have cars.
That's right--car ornaments.

MaryMotherOfJoseph...if I'd any effing idea these were on display there today, we never would've even made it across the threshold into the store.
Unfortunately, what started out to be somewhat of a victory quickly became less of one.
Whenever Benjamin sees cars he goes ape. And 9 times out of 10 I wind up buying him one. Yes, that's right. I do it. Always said I'd never be that mom, but in situations like these, when the wrath of the silver-topped-Hallmark-ladies is breathing down my neck...it's peace at all costs.
So I'm about to convince Benjamin that the cars will be there for a very long time (little does he know how true that is...seriously, who buys this crap?), and that we can come back with Nana and pick one out "tomorrow". He starts repeating what I'm saying in a RainMan-esque sort of mantra, and we slowly start to walk away from the display.
It's then that he sees the motorcycle ornament, dangling from the display, as if to say "Ahh, Benjamin, you must have me!" He reaches for it...and juuuust as I start to expain how it's a display item, and he can't hold it because it's attached to the wall...he proves me wrong and yanks it down.
Now, it's important here that I tell you that the only thing that broke was the metal attachment that hooks the ornament to the wall. The motorcycle itself was still in tact.
Didn't matter, though, as I am quite emphatic when it comes to how my kids treat the property of others, things that "don't belong to us", etc...even though Benjamin had no clue he was going to break it and was basically innocent (he's 2 for pete's sake), there was a principle to be taught.
So I kneel down and show him, calmly, what happened when he pulled on it too hard.
He looks at me and says "Benjin break...no mo motocycle."
I tell him it's ok, but that we're going to go tell the lady what happened. While I'm walking up there I start to get nervous, because I just have a sinking feeling about how she's going to react. So, in my haste, I grab an unopened box of one of the motorcycles off the shelf. I decide I'm going to offer to buy one.
We wait our turn, and I keep the boys happy with graham crackers. For some reason, there's a line. Fuck.

We get up to the counter, and the same lady that spoke ever so sweetly to Benjamin when we first walked in is going to be waiting on us.
Hooray. Relief. He's already in with her.
Right?

Not right.

We approach her register and I open up my hand to show her the ornament---still in tact, but with a broken hook on the back. While I show it to her, I say the following: "M'amm, I am so sorry, but he tried to grab this off the wall...and, well...anyway, I'm just sorry. I'd like to offer to pay for one if that would help."
Now, I know plenty of gals in my position who might've just thrown the broken ornament on the counter on the way out and said "Sorry, shit happens" as they careen their stroller out of the store, completely harried and yelling at their kids at the same time. Or even worse, some might even just leave the broken ornament on the shelf with all of the other pieces of shit Hallmark's trying to sell...
But not me.
No sirree.
I'm with these kids 24/7 and miss no opportunity to teach them how to be respectful in such situations. That's right, I'm in it to win it.

Please. This bitch wasn't interested.
She looks at me, and says nothing. Only evidence at all that she actually heard me is the souring of her expression. She twists her pursed lips into a knot and starts to ring up the ornament. Benjamin, God bless him, actually looks up at her and says "Mommy, lady sad."

Fuu-hhuck.
That was funny.

I haven't gotten to the point yet where I'm ticked...I just feel like a cliche. The mom with the misbehaving little boy. So I smile and say, again..."Sorry bout this. Kinda happened in a flash and I couldn't pry his little paw off of it in time..."
I kneel down and ask Benjamin if he can say "sorry" to the nice lady for accidentally breaking the toy.
Now, I'm no dummy. I realize that he has no clue what I'm talking about...but it's the principle of the thing and I want her to know that we're taking responsibility for it. One day all too soon he's going to be aware of what's going on, and that's why I'm going through all of this.
He says, in a voice so sweet you want to throw your hand to your forehead, "sorry, nice lay-dee".
She looks down at him...twists her tight little knot of a mouth from one side to the other, and says "Well, young man...if you'd only asked me, like a good boy, to see the motorcycle, I would have taken it down for you and let you hold it, instead of having it break."

This is when my face loses color and I say, as I scribble my name on the debit card receipt for something I didn't even fucking want to pay for, "Well, m'aam...he is two after all."
And I grab the bag, shove it in the bottom of the stroller, break out a few more graham crackers and let the crumbs fall on the floor, hand them to the boys...and leave the store.

The whole way out of the mall, Benjamin keeps saying "Lay-dee saaaad...she saaad."
To this, I say, "That's right, Benjamin, she was sad. But you did a very nice thing by saying 'sorry' about the ornament. It's not your fault she was an effing bitch."
In case you're wondering, I did the "spelling out" of the naughty words as I said them, but still managed to get satisfaction out of using them, anyway.

I mean, c'mon, people. Why is it that we moms have to feel like such pariahs in stores like these? Must we only shop in grocery stores, where they have carts the size of houses--complete with entire Disney World theme parks inside for kids to play in--that keep them "contained" while we comb the aisles?

I honestly was so miffed by this jellyfish moment* that I almost came home and wrote a letter to the store manager.

Guess that makes you the store manager.


*jellyfish moment: a moment when you think you're interacting with someone/something very sweet and lovely, and then he/she/it lashes out and stings the ever-loving-shit out of you

Our Labor Day Weekend 2007---in pictures!

So, I guess I lied...not the entire weekend in pictures! Bar Divani, karaoke (post-Bar Divani), sacked-out Hankins girls and a random pic of the Cavanaughs at our BBQ. LOL! My camera battery hit the fritz right after that shot of Sarah and Matt. But at least we captured them in a moment of rapt attention and intrigue...

What a great weekend, though. Hankins family (my brother and his fam) stayed here at Casa de Richards, and all went quite smoothly, including a night out with two babysitters here at the house. The kids had fun playing and we suffered few meltdowns...just lots of crazy hopped-up-on-sugar moments and over-tired crazies. But if they were over-tired from anything, it was too much fun! Sunday was the BBQ here at the house...lots of yummy food (spare ribs!), great friends, family and neighborhood pick-up football games. The kids had a blast, and so did we adults--who managed to squeeze in some cocktails, grub and engaging conversation...all amidst the chasing, feeding, and cleaning off of wee ones.

Monday was the family exodus down to Saugatuk--first stop was a Dune ride with the whole family! Wow...what fun. Chris got the great pictures of that...'fraid my camera didn't make the trip. Everyone had a blast! However, I think I'm still getting sand out of little Jonny Christopher's ears...

After that we had an afternoon of boating, beaching, and hanging out in Saugatuk--complete with miscommunications among family members about where to meet, with whom, and when...but overall it was a fun day. And at the very end of it, the grandparents shlepped back to GRaggs with the kids, thus allowing the other kids (myself, Brian, Chris, Ann and Jon) to take a little boat ride of our own. A highlight of this excursion would be the impromptu jump-in-the-lake moment after we'd taken the boat out into Lake Michigan. Nothing like the jettison of 5 overworked and slightly intoxicated parents (well, not including Jon) into the lake at the end of a long weekend...what a sight. Oh, and we had floatie noodles. I'm talking class, people. This was, if nothing else, a moment of total sophistication.

Giggle.

The Hankins gang headed back to Illinois Tuesday morning, but not until we grabbed a few family "portraits" at the condo. We actually managed to get all of us together--kids and all--for a few pictures. Very exciting.

The boys took power naps that afternoon, and so did I...was heaven. That evening Jonathan (my brother) and I went out for a few drinks (can anyone say " time for detox"???) and a movie...was fun, and we had some great conversation on top of it. A great way to finish off a long weekend.

Family time is always filled with so much enthusiasm, energy, laughter, blah, blah...lots of fun, surely. But at the end, I am ever so grateful just to have normalcy back, as I'm sure everyone else would say the same. Yesterday Benjamin and I drew with chalk on the driveway while J napped, then we headed up to the library for Laptime with Ms. Treee-asssshhh...ran into some friends, came home for lunch, naps, etc...and I escaped at the end of the day for some exercise therapy at the MAC. And then, last night, Brian uploaded our pics from the weekend, and we both sat staring at them on the couch and talked about what a blast it all was...

I also took some time yesterday during naps to get Benjamin's fall schedule set up...more on that later. I'm on borrowed time here as it is this morning...gotta get movin!