Oh, the Places You Won't Want to Go...

The following list should've been included in my discharge papers from the hospital with Jonny:
"Places you will think you belong with your two boys, when in reality--you won't"

Topping this list would be the local library. The top five would most likely also include places like book stores, trendy deli/restaurants (or any establishment that attempts to play music or encourage conversation), as well as the grocery store.
A polite disclaimer would preceed the list, reading something like:
"While said places will appear on the outside as reasonable and even enticing, you'll be better served remembering that such experiences just aren't realistic. Get a coffee, hit the mall play area or better yet--an open field. You'll need your strength, so don't fight it. Choose peacefulness, even if it involves the random case of pink eye from public bounce toys."

But more importantly, at the end of said list would be a comforting phrase or two, with contact info for local therapists, carpet cleaners, pharmacies, bars...and being realistic, the police.
"Congratulations on the birth of your second son" it would read..."and please remember our post-partum nurses are not only available 24hrs a day, but in 4 to 5 years, as well. Remember not to sweat the small stuff...there's chardonnay for that. And meds. Never forget the power of drugs. Congratulations to you and your family...enjoy this special time!"