Sidewalks

I remember when we were house hunting, a few years ago, and my father in law gave me a hard time for glorifying the "sidewalks" in EGR.
But he's not from here, so he doesn't understand.
Sidewalks exist everywhere...but for some reason, they're special here. At least I appreciate what they offer me in my life, mostly since we made the move to Santa Cruz. Let me illustrate, if I may, as it seems so many of my simplest of pleasures these days involve them.

Yesterday, when the 4pm case of delirium set in, I was able to "stroller it" up to Starbucks...and Jonny even got to get out a few times to inspect some sidewalk chalk art. It was even better once I had my coffee in hand.

Watching Lily McIntosh learn to ride her two-wheeler tonight, all four of us adults going apeshit over each pedal stroke.

Sitting cross-legged on ours while watching my boys run around the front yard, and up and down the driveway.

Teaching Benjamin to play hopscotch on them.

Walking them to a neighbor friends' house...especially tonight, as Brian and I were both in need of a drink, and Matt and Katie came walking down their front drive with Stellas in hand, as though anticipating our arrival.

The fact that I can take ours to so many fabulous places...the lake...the library...the Bucks...the park...Ms Joaaaannnnnn's (that's how we pronounce her name)...even Allie's house.

Also, the PLG fact that I can accidentally leave our McClaren stroller out on ours overnight, and it's still there the next morning.:) (Brian, if you're reading this, it only happened once, I swear...)


At the end of the day, it's just a personal thing, I guess. Something that I place value on, mostly because I grew up with them. And whenever I think about that huge, spacious house we were looking at out in Forest Hills....I think about the sidewalks we'd be missing, and all the places we'd be missing out on walking to as a result.
Brian and I were walking home tonight with the boys, Jonny screaming because his diaper was beyond dirty and so was his face...and he'd fallen on their driveway twice....and Benjamin, "driving" his cozy coupe car, at a snail's pace...but Brian and I were just laughing the whole way home.
Mostly because it was a short walk.
Even more likely because we were both a little buzzed.

Anyway, I love you Dave Richards...and even though I know there's no way in hell you're reading this, I need to tell you that I was right about this one.

They do matter.:)
At least to me.

B.L.O.G. stands for...

Bragging
Like
Others might
Give-a-good-god-damn

Pardon my candor.
But sometimes I fear that this is what I sound like, especially when detailing my kids' latest moments of precious endearment or hilarity.
But here I go, anyway.

Benjamin is just so unbelievably enthusiastic. I mean bursting with unbridled enthusiasm and positivity. Granted, not all the time...but I tell you, when he's happy to be somewhere, or with someone, it's impossible for him to hide how he's feeling.
The following most recent of examples are just a few I'd like to share.

So, if you feel like skipping this post, as you're not in the mood for reading about how amazing someone else's kid is...I'll say this to you: Feel no remorse.
You're disinterest is compeltely justifiable...and I get it.

But here are my latest faves, anyway.

*Jumps to his feet during a recognizable Laptime song: "Haha...Miss Trish! Look! I'm dancing! This is so fun!"
(lots of deadpan faces on other parents...a few awkward looking kids trying to find the beat...and a few nods of support from other moms--thank God)


*walking into Miss Margaret's class last week, after being gone for a few weeks, announces: "Miss Margaret, whatcha doin? Are we gonna paint today? I'm just so happy to see you...Wow! Look at all the kids!"
(notices, while making his grand entrance, that there are about 4 to 5 new faces, and very unenthusiastic parents accompanying them--this last detail was only noticed by me, but was noteworthy, I felt...kinda bummed me out...at any rate, his enthusiasm is undaunted by the new faces, and I couldn't have been more proud in noticing)

*tonight, as I was helping him color in his Lightning McQueen coloring book...he abruptly got to his feet, and threw his hands to his mouth, and uttered "Oh...my...gosh! This is just so beautiful!" (my eyes were like saucers...and I hardly knew how to respond...just loved that moment)

*says to Annabel, while playing in her backyard last Friday night, and discovering her array of sweet toys--"Annabel, are these your favorite toys? I just love them!"
(and you gotta love Annabel, who responded with "oh yeah, they're pretty great"...the two of them are the exact same age...it's great hearing them have conversations)

*Annabel's mom and dad told Brian and me, last Saturday morning, that after we left their house Friday night Annabel sat on the front porch, chin resting in her hands, and said..."you know...this was fun...having everyone over....". We laughed so hard and just marveled at how adorable it was...and when I later told Benjamin that Annabel had been so happy he'd come over the night before, he said, "Well, Mommy...it was fun. And I just really love Annabel."
(I see prom date in the future. Or partner in unapproved activity...they're behind us and a few houses up...dangerous.)

*when I told Benjamin this morning that we were going to the park soon, and to find his Crocs...his response was: "Oh my goodness...we're going to the park! Jonny!!?? Do you know that? Are you excited? It's gonna be so much fun!"
(killed me. just killed me.)


Suffice it to say, I love this child.
And his obvious appreciation for others and everything else that makes his daily life so much damn fun.

Under Construction...

I've been thinking for a while that I'd like to update the format on my blog...actually, I've been thinking about it since I snuggled up to Sarah on her couch that evening last summer, as she guided me through the constructs of my very first blogging attempt.

So why am I posting this?

I guess just so you could all imagine Sarah in her pjs and headgear.

Today was good. Great, actually. Bout to clean up kitchen and snuggle up next to Brian and watch some tv.
We might even make out.
But I'm ovulating, so that's not a good idea (insert smiley guy shaking head back and forth vigorously here)!

"Seed Moments"

My favorite writing professor (who was also intimidating as hell, but that's another story) at Loyola once said that the best "starts" for stories are moments...things you witness in real life. And then the story flows from there...often in the most random of ways. He called these observations/moments "seed thoughts". I loved this idea so much, and of course...being not only the eager beaver student that I was, but also the great fan of writing in my pastime, I bought a journal to carry with me on the L. I would see things, from the profound to mundane, and jot them down. Sometimes I would use them for stories...sometimes not. But noticing them, I think, is what helped me develop my instincts and love for writing.

And so, in my regular, daily life, I notice things. I notice a lot. My principal at Meridian Middle School once told me that my single most valuable skill as a teacher was my ability to observe and reflect. My point is not self-congratulatory, but rather this: I can't help but be so acutely aware of my environment, that sometimes I'm overwhelmed with how to capture it all. And honestly, it often is the reason I am forgetful or even late for things.
I'm just...always...processing.

I started this blog, thinking that it would help me hone my thoughts and observations in a meaningful way...and some days I think I've accompolished just that. But other days, when so many things have happened in the life of this family of mine that are blogworthy, all I want to do is just sit and be in the moment. And then the moment is gone, and I wind up reverting to my usual sarcastic, often bitchy, babble and wit.

Then there are days when I observe something, particularly with one of my boys, that captures just how I feel that day. Seemingly insignificant, yet not in the larger context of my life.
Today has been a really good day, for many unimportant reasons...mostly just the flow, and relative ease of it all. But what has stood out have been those moments where I feel so proud of and right in the role I'm playing.
This time I'm spending...even as I walk hand in hand with Benjamin through the halls of a middle school (where Ms. Margaret's class is held)...and am every-reminded of this other part of me. And yet, even though I often feel a pang of jealousy as I see teachers grading papers in their classrooms (never thought I'd miss that part), or when Benjamin asks me "what are those kids doing?" when they're just simply lining up in the hallway with their bright, fresh-faced young teacher...even in those moments, I'm grateful. It's something that I clearly recognize as a choice...and know that for some, it's not the right one. But what I seem to have so much gratitude lately for is this ever-increasing awareness I have of myslef...perhaps it's the yoga, who knows. But I'm feeling more and more at home with who I am and the choices I'm making.
And if I'm being honest, I'm not just grateful for what this "time" is giving my boys...but selfishly, what it's giving me.

In our house right now, it's silent.
Brian is working in the basement, but I can't (which is unusual) hear his "work voice" bellowing from the lower level. Benjamin is napping (hooray--yesterday he boycotted!), and is in hour 3 of a much needed slumber. Windows are open, and you can hear the faint noise of kids walking home from Lakeside School...but other than that, it's quiet. I'm here, in the kitchen, putting price tags on garage sale items, and Jonathan's in the TV room, "reading" his books. I hear him making cute noises...so I just go and stand in the doorway to the TV room, and hope he doesn't notice me. I watch as he stands at the coffee table and turns the pages of The Snowy Day slowly...and laughs to himself, perhaps recognizing some of his favorite parts of the story...and then I watch him point his stubby, sweaty little index finger at the bathtub scene in the story, near the end. And he mutters, in a language only I can understand..."busshhh teef!". As in, of course, "brush teeth".
And then he made himself giggle so much that he actually bent over the table and did that croaky noise that kids make when they laugh too hard. All the while, completely unaware of my presence.

So I smiled...and just noticed it.
In all of its precious, and fleeting, simplicity.

Sleep, My Little Cubs, Sleep...

What a fun-filled weekend...the boys spent 95% of their time outside in the sun and dirt...playing with neighbors, toads, puddles and push toys. What more could they ask for? Jonny learned to fish for rocks out of the neighbor's homemade pond, and Benjamin learned how to terrorize Jonathan in new and exciting ways. The weekend was capped off with a BBQ here with neighbors...and became an impromptu gathering for more of our neighbor friends. Each kid left a whole lot dirtier than they arrived, and have our ghetto, unfinished backyard to thank for that. But holy cow, were they adorable, every last one of them and their grubby, over-tired faces at the end of the night.

Anyway, here's to life on Santa Cruz, and a FANTASTIC weekend of good weather, fun and friends.

As I was reading nursery rhymes to Jonny last night in his room...I read over the line "Sleep, my little cubs, sleep..". I looked down at him, and he was asleep against my chest...and it was heaven. It's in those moments that I feel like life truly can't get any better.

Friday Download

The following bits of randomness are exactly that: random.
Just don't have that cohesive flow going on today, know whatts I mean?

Last night I was thinking about my brother Chris during spin class. I'm really loving that class, and now that I have the shoes--it's like a new sport for me. And holy cow, I don't know a better ass-kicker in the cardio dept. Anyway, I was thinking, as I do every class about halfway through, about how difficult cycling is in contrast to how easy it looks. I have moments during the workout where I think I'm literally going to lose all lung capacity and my legs are going to burst into flames...and then, for some reason, I'm able to push myself even further.
Helps to have sweet music, too.
My usual Thursday night instructor is a sure bet in the music dept, but last night we had a sub. He was ok...some cheesey stuff mostly, but that stuff's the best for a workout sometimes, right? There's a country song (also played in Body Pump sometimes, so Dina--I'm sure you know it) called "Save a horse, ride a cowboy"...makes me giggle, but it's great for cardio.
But the best was at the end, when we had just finished what I thought was our last segment...a series of sprints. And then the instructor tells us that it's "time for our final climb" and to "turn it up to 100 percent"...if you know cycling/spin class, you know that's not good news when your tank top's soaking wet and your face is beet red.
But then the song kicks in, and it's "Where the Streets Have No Name" by U2...and that was all I needed. Totally found my groove and cranked it out.
So, Christopher, if you're reading this...I channeled not only your spirit of appreciation for that song, but also your intense skill at cycling. And at the end, as we were climbing to the very top of the hill, Bono was singing that line "and when I go there, I go there with you...", I pictured you right next to me.
Even as I was imagining it, I knew it was total cheese.
But dammit, it kinda rocked, too.
I think I get why you love that song so much...at least in my own way.

Other randomness.
Benjamin.
He's absolutely hilarious.
My neighbor friend Megan, and her two daughters, stopped by today while on a walk...right after lunch. I had just finished taking B's shirt off, as it was covered in ketchup and mustard. So he was just sportin track pants. Totally WT.
When they came to the front door, Benjamin burst out in front of me to go say hi to Annabell...his buddy (she's the same age). When he approached her, perched on her pink tricycle with pink tassles...he exclaimed, skinny, pasty-white arm gesturing toward her..."Oh, Annabell...you just look beautiful today!"
Killed me.
He also decided not to nap, but I wasn't aware of this fact until about 45 minutes into "nap time". I'd showered right after putting the boys down, made my way downstairs to check some email and start this blog...cleaned the kitchen a bit, and then hear a noise from his room. I went up there and saw his covers askew on the bed, and no Benjamin. That right there practically made me laugh, but I had to pretend to be serious. Then, I look to my right and see his closet door cracked open just the tiniest bit...but enough to see one of those big, round, Precious-Moment eyes staring out at me.
PLG.
When he saw my smirk give way to a giggle, he stepped out proudly and said, "You know what, Mommy? I don't think it's a good nappers today."
To which, I replied, "No...I think you're right."
But perhaps the number one reason for my positive attitude was the fact that I knew it meant early to bed.
And on a Friday night, especially one that I've been anxious to enjoy with my hubby and NO PLANS, it's a good thing.

So, off we'll go to Meijer later (I know you just love that part, Sarah...it makes you so happy to read it, doesn't it?!), then hit Jersey Junction on foot...and settle in for early bedtime...and mommy/daddy beverages.

Last bit of randomness:
Jonathan is patting the front of his pants every time he poops lately and announcing to me, "Poo!...Poo!"
We're in the midst of potty training Benjamin...and it's going slow as hell. I'm starting to think Jonny's gonna sneak up and take the lead on this one.

Ridic.

And the hits just keep on comin...

I've been afraid of this for some time, and as of this morning...the time is upon us.

We need a new washer and dryer.

F**k me.
Haven't even paid off the wedding expenses and here we go again!

Ignore this post.
Just needed to bitch.

Now I'm off to change my laundry over at my neighbor Katie's house, as it was mid-cycle this morning when the whole shootin match went south on us.
I guess the one positive that came out of this whole thing was a fun morning of playing at Katie's with the kids, and a lunch out in the sun on their deck.
Benjamin thought the whole thing was exciting, even my pushing a double stroller loaded down with black trash bags full of laundry over to their house.
You wanna talk ghetto...

Anyway, good times, as always. Unfortunately, as with most families, the washer and dryer are the lifeline of the house.
Along with the coffee pot.

Never to be forgotten...

Wow, where to begin.
At this point, we are all just so overwhelmed from all of the excitement, momentum, and pure emotion of the past 4 days. And EXHAUSTED.
The wedding was beautiful, and the bride and groom even more so. Brian and I could hardly stop talking all the way home, and even as we went to bed last night, about all of the memorable aspects of the whole experience. Plenty of PLG moments with the boys (especially the ring bearer)...and funny moments...but none to be outdone by the number of meaningful, relationship-building ones. Not even sure if I'll ever to be able to articulate just how special this whole wedding "season" has been.
I'll surely have some sort of lengthy commentary, as usual, at some point...but for today I just need to make my way through the unpacking and massive amounts of laundry.
I also need to try and somehow be as much fun for my boys as their Uncle Paul, Uncle Mike, Muma and Grandpa have been for the past several days...surely not to be outdone.
We are so incredibly grateful for all of the memories...for now, here are just a few pictures.
You know, to start with.:)

To any Richards or Loitersteins:) that are reading this...we love you!

"Springer Mom"

As in, Jerry Springer.
As in, the type of mom who appears on the Jerry Springer show.
As in, unfortunately, me...today.

For whatever reason (I can think of a few), I'm not hangin too well today. And immediately, I hate the fact that I'm--once again--bitching in my blog about the woes of mommyhood. Such a cliche. But holy shit, friends. Today's been the kind that just pushes you right on over the edge.
And it's not even all about my boys.
My boys will be who they are, and I accept that. I can deal pretty well, often singing nursery rhymes amidst the chaos and keeping a smile on my face. It's when I talk to my girlfriends on the phone (thanks, by the way, Sarah) mid-afternoon...speeding at Mach 7 down my street as though I'm in a getaway car...to go pick up my bridesmaid dress from the tailor's, while the boys nap...that I can truly unleash the beast festering inside.
Obviously I'm grateful here on two fronts: a husband working in the basement which allows me to speed away in said automobile...and a girlfriend who needs zero backstory in order to relate to my snarky-ass mood.

So it all started with Ms. Sue at the nursery today. I got the boys there at 8:15am...with tummies full of healthy breakfast and armed with snacks for an emergency. I go to Body Pump, ride on the bike for a while, and take a heavenly shower...even though at that point I was literally running from the showers to the dressing area to get dressed, and didn't even comb my hair out before picking the boys up. After a certain amount of time I start to feel like a shitty, neglectful mom.
But I get there, and they seem happy. Benjamin's coloring at a table with another boy...and Jonny's shoving all kinds of random shit into a smaller container. Happy boys.
They both bum-rush me and it's sheer delirium...happy mom, happy boys...and then, Ms. Sue saunters on up to us in her bad sweater and mom jeans.
"We had kind of a bad morning in here, Mom" she says.

First of all:
"Mom???"
It's Meg. Or Mrs. Richards. Pick one.
She's done this before, and every time it just feels a tad bit condescending and icky to me.
But whatever.

So, I ask: "Uh, oh...what happened?"
And she proceeds to tell me how Benjamin wasn't sharing well, didn't want to listen...and had a few time-outs.
Now, I'm all for the time-outs. No problem there. And I'm even MORE all for having them tell me what goes wrong. I refuse to be one of those moms who are in denial that their kids are ever guilty of wrong-doing...and I'll always be willing to face the music and deal appropriately.

But I'll NEVER be ok with someone talking to me in a condescending tone about my own children...and giving me advice on how to deal with them.
Here's what happened next:

"I'm sorry Ms. Sue...it's been a real challenge lately at home, I swear..." I say as I give Benjamin an I'm disappointed in you look. "It's been so hard with Jonathan into his things now...and I swear, it's the age, too. Three seems to be so much harder than two."

At this point she interrupts me, and puts her hand on my upperarm, and says:
"Now Mom...we know it's the age...but that doesn't mean we don't have accountability for our behavior."

Oh no you didn't, Ms. Sue.

Now, if any of you pals of mine know me at all, I tend to err on the side of stronger discipline than not. It's the teacher in me, I suppose. It's also the fact that I am a tireless believer in good manners and respect for others. So having this marmy of a nursery worker try to school me on good parenting techniques was just not what I was in the mood for this morning.
And what I hate even more, is that it put me in such a bad mood that I probably got a bit too upset with Benjamin. We talked in the car about it...and, as usual, he sort of got it...but then, about 30 seconds after our "talk" was over, he said something like "I'm gonna push Jonny, Mommy...and that will be naughty."
And so today, I couldn't take it.
I pulled over on the side of the road and put the car in park. We were just about to turn down Santa Cruz, so of course I was within eyesight of several neighbors. But I took off the sunglasses, (the weave and the gold earrings...haha, just kidding) and looked him straight in the eye.
"Benjamin, you are NOT allowed to push your brother."

"Ok, Mommy" he said...with his head leaning back into his seat...totally getting it, finally.
But when I put the car back in drive and turned down our street, I felt a bit like a Springer-esque mommy. Like I was just one "oh no you aint gonna give me no shit, boy" away from totally losing decorum as a mom.

Sadly, the rest of our day has been just as challenging...one thing after the next, making me increasingly aware of why my Nana turned to religion when my two uncles, her first two children...only about 18mos apart, were at this phase of life. I've heard stories, and they amaze me at what she dealt with.
And now I get it much more intimately than I'd like.

Insult to injury, this bridesmaid dress is seriously turning out to be more expensive than the elaborate party I threw in Chicago. (Denise, if you're reading this, forgive my candor...but this is my blog, and I need to vent. I love you and love the dress. Just need to bitch today.)
So when I order the dress, they tell me, that based on my measurements...that I'll need to order a plus size, which means I'll have to pay 50 extra big ones. Now, I know I'm not a skinny min...but holy shit, I'm not a size 18, which is what they ordered for me. And as a result of all the extra fabric (which I paid for), the tailor had to charge me EXTRA just to take it all in...and the seams/lines/layers of the dress are so intricate, that they're charging extra for all the time it took. Talk about a high maintenance piece of clothing. And to top it all off...when I went to pick it up today, the bust area was too big still...so back it went to the tailor's...and I'm crossing my sweet little fingers that it's all set by tomorrow, when I pick it up.
I can't imagine if Brian didn't work from home...some days, more than others, I'm grateful as hell. So grateful, in fact, that I took advantage and veered the big ass Explorer off toward the Bucks drive-thru.
Sister needed a late afternoon mocha.

I'm home now, waiting to take the boys to the playground after B's nap...hoping that I can regain some ground with my wee ones, and be a better mommy all around.

Because I swear...after today, all someone has to do is look at me wrong, and I'll be up outta my chair and swingin fists.
You know, like on Springer.

Before I forget...

So many things to blog about, nothing of great consequence, just funny bits and latest revelations...but really, as usual, no time.

But I HAD to pop on here with this little nugget:

I'm cleaning up the kitchen as Benjamin finishes his lunch, and Jonathan's busy with some toys in the TV room. Feeling somewhat satisfied at our morning at Meijer Gardens and the overall amount of outdoor play and quality activity the last few days (with Brian out of town)...I say to Benjamin, as I wipe the counters:
"You know, I'd say your mommy kinda rocked it out these past few days, Bubbs..."

And he says, I quote: "Huh, yeaaahh, mommy...I'd say you did."

Don't need any further affirmation than that.

And now for a bit of "home".